Be the change you want to see in the world Gandhi
Sometimes what happens to us is less important than how we respond. Good leadership matters. So when we can’t change our leaders or their behaviors, become the leader you’re looking for.
HOW DO WE BEGIN?
Start with feelings. Any breakthrough or change begins with better self -understanding and awareness.
According to Dr. Marshall Rosenberg and his theory on Non-Violent Communication, our emotions indicate our needs.
When we experience positive emotions –happy, content, satisfied– it reveals that our needs are being met. When we experience negative emotions– anger, frustration or fear– it’s an indication that our needs aren’t being met.
APPLICATION TO THE WORKPLACE
- Become Mindful of Feelings
Because we live in a masculine culture that values logic over emotion, we often bury, rationalize, or take our emotions for granted; we may not even be aware of how or when they get triggered.
Start by noticing how you feel after different events, interactions or conversations. Use your emotions to become mindful about what is or isn’t working in your life, and to identify where you need or want to make change.
- Get Curious
When experiencing negative or uncomfortable feelings, probing questions can help you to better understand why you feel and respond the way you do, and what you need.
If after a meeting with your boss you feel agitated, even though nothing unusual occurred, get curious and ask yourself:
- What am I feeling?
Possible Responses: angry, frustrated, disappointed
- What caused it? What behaviors or language triggered your emotions?
Response: When you asked your boss for feedback on how to strengthen your communication skills his response was vague, and he was looking at his phone.
- What do I need? (This is not about finding fault with others.)
Response: I want to be acknowledged, listened to, taken seriously
When we identify our needs, we identify what’s important to us and what we value. For example: trust, respect, integrity, acknowledgement .
- Set an Intention
If what you value isn’t supported by leaders or others in your workplace, you can: 1. Give up and accept that it’s out of your control; 2. Complain, and become angry and victimized; 3. Respond with the same behaviors and language you condemn.
Or… you can set an intention for how you want things to be. For example, if you value respectful relationships, set an intention/goal to create a work environment where everyone feels valued and respected.
Finally, identify specific steps or actions —how do you need to show up?—to support that intention. For example: Not interrupting when someone else is speaking; listening to and acknowledging different points of view; speaking directly to others instead of gossiping when you need to address a problem. The list goes on.
Good leadership is not a position or a title. Good leadership is a decision to step up and do your part because you feel it’s needed and the right thing to do. Instead of waiting for others to lead, you may need to become that leader; the one you’ve been looking for.