People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.
President Theodore Roosevelt
Who was the best boss or manager you ever had? And who was the worst? What made them so great or awful?
When I asked those questions at a recent virtual workshop, participants mentioned things like competence and knowledge. But the vast majority of responses were about communication.
While knowledge and job skills are vital for success, it’s often our soft skills — relationships and communication –that really matter. 50% of work satisfaction comes from the relationship a person has with his/her boss, and a poor relationship with a boss or co-worker are the top reasons employees leave jobs.
How we manage ourselves, our emotions, and our relationships — Emotional Intelligence ((EI or EQ) –is not only important for our own success, but also, for how we impact others.
BACKGROUND
Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody’s power, that is not easy. Socrates
Emotional Intelligence is the ability to manage, use, and understand emotions in positive ways- whether relieving stress, empathizing with others, overcoming challenge, or diffusing conflicts. It’s considered more important than IQ and is one of the best predictors of workplace success. In fact, people are frequently hired for their IQ but promoted for their EQ.
And while not everyone is born with a high EQ, it can be raised through deliberate practices that strengthen our brain pathways. As a result, new and elevated thoughts and behaviors become second nature.
CULTURE
We live in a masculine culture that values logic above emotions and has cultivated myths (false beliefs) about emotions: they’re bad, a sign of weakness, people will take advantage of you, and they should be controlled. At times we even attribute emotional stereotypes to others based on race and gender.
In Western Culture, anger in women has been widely associated with madness. In the United States, anger in white men is often portrayed as justifiable and patriotic, in black men as criminality, and in black women as threat. The Medium
Emotions enable us to gain insights into ourselves and others, and to recognize our values, needs, and what we stand for. By acknowledging and expressing emotions, we build strong teams, effective leaders, as well as appreciation for our similarities and differences.
APPLICATION
Self-Awareness
- Recognize when you feel out of sorts: irritated, tired; how your feelings alter behaviors and impact others i.e. less patient, judgmental; and what triggers your feelings– a person, a conversation, or the time of day. (Emotional Self Awareness)
- Know your strengths: are you a good listener, a positive thinker? And your limitations: who and what gets you stressed or pushes your buttons? Notice your impact on others –do you engage or push people away? (Accurate Self-Assessment)
- Know your self-worth and capabilities. Take pride in your contributions and recognize where and by whom you are valued. (Self Confidence. )
Social Awareness
Social Awareness means understanding and appreciating the emotions, concerns, and needs of others– putting yourself in someone else’s shoes: the salesperson who goes the extra mile, the co-worker who listens patiently to a colleague vent about a stressful day, remembering a customer or client’s name, taking time to ask about versus assume someone’s intentions. Social awareness builds trust, connection, and can positively influence workplace culture. It’s a leadership tool.
If I am not for myself who will be? If I am only for myself, what am I? Rabbi Hillel
Finding the balance between ourselves and others is an important challenge in today’s workplace. By strengthening our EQ, we can learn to master this challenge and create a workplace and world that works for us all.