We’ve all been there.   We’re having a conversation,  waiting in line, or mingling with a group, when suddenly, the stranger,  acquaintance, or friend we’ve been standing next to gets too close.  It feels awkward, uncomfortable,  even intrusive.  And  while we don’t say anything, we take a few steps back, avert our gaze,  or move to another side of the room.  Sound familiar?

Since 2020,  most of us have become mindful of the spaces we share with others, and the value of social distancing.  Yet, the  importance of  healthy  boundaries existed long before the pandemic and directly impacts workplace success.

DEFINITION

Boundaries refer to the  amount of physical and emotional space we keep between ourselves and others; they define where we end, and others begin.  Boundaries clarify acceptable behaviors and teach others how to treat us. They require self-awareness,  and a willingness to communicate our needs to others.

If someone keeps pressuring you for more than you  want or are willing to give,  they could be pushy or insensitive, but it may be that you haven’t clearly defined your boundaries: What  do you need?  What are you willing to do? Where do you draw the line?   Expecting others to know our needs, or accepting behaviors we don’t like or want,  sends the message– “it’s okay. “

.  People with healthy boundaries:

• have limits and recognize what they are.
• know what they will or won’t do.
• know what they will allow with others.

People with unhealthy boundaries:

• don’t know what information to share.
• trust too easily.
• have poorly defined limits.
• are overly tolerant of inappropriate behaviors.
• are too rigid, removed/ distant.

BOUNDARY ZONES

Physical: Personal space and other things we share– property, equipment, and clothes.

Time :  Do you take control or allow intrusions?

How do you handle talkative co-workers, unplanned interruptions, or employees who show up late?  Do you let it slide, get annoyed, give yourself permission to not respond, speak up?

Intellectual and emotional:  Can you separate  from others’ needs or moods?

Some people have difficulty  saying “no;” they  don’t want to disappoint.   Others   build walls to avoid connecting with others and their problems,  but they miss out on collaborative opportunities.  And who hasn’t gotten caught up in someone else’s  problems, anger,  or bad behavior —  in the workplace, on the road,  or in our political arena?

Energy.  Who or what inspires you: nature,  music, down time?  Who or what drains: complaining, lights, sound, no breaks?

The New York Times and several medical journals report that when narrative medicine, the art of listening through stories,  is used by medical practitioners, it increases empathy for patients,  and enhances both the diagnostic and communication aspects of patient care.

WHY IT MATTERS

Unclear workplace boundaries can lead to anxiety, miscommunication, disputes, and disagreements.   While clear boundaries enhanced creativity, productivity, decision making and focus.  And people were less likely to blame others or take things personally.   Why?  With clear guidelines,  people know what’s expected and appropriate– in their job and with their behavior.

Boundaries  impact job  productivity and satisfaction,  and ultimately, a company’s bottom line.   But there’s not one size  that fits all. Depending on the  situation,  even a willingness to compromise can be a  healthy boundary.

So,  the next time  you’re asked to listen to someone’s  complaint, participate in  a project you hadn’t planned for, or accommodate an unexpected request or  interruption, ask yourself: is this the best use of my time?   The answer might surprise you. 

***Some version of narrative medicine is now taught in 80% of medical programs in the U.S.